the condom got lost in my hair
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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