don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
