yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
