i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
