I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
