Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
