An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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