he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
