Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book

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(201): View more from New Jersey

somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?

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(619): View more from California

after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper

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(260): View more from Indiana

I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.

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(816): View more from Missouri

I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties

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(804): View more from Virginia

I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."

(973): View more from New Jersey

I don't even want to know.

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