Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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