Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
