my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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