Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
