I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
