I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
