she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
