My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
