He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
