it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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