please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
