I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Come see our sink grown plant.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
