Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
