So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
