I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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