No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
