i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
