just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
