Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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