I think I died a long time ago.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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