seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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