i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
