Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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