...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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