Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
