I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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