Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
