Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B

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  (508): ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester (1-508): Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B http://tfl.nu/rngn
  Replies (5) Good night (1634) Bad night (599)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.

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  (918): After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again. http://tfl.nu/cy0p
  Replies (141) Good night (548) Bad night (6134)
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  (530): View more from California

  I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!

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  (530): I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds! http://tfl.nu/6diw
  Replies (62) Good night (6614) Bad night (746)
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  (818): View more from California

  why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?

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  (818): why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing? http://tfl.nu/8p36
  Replies (26) Good night (980) Bad night (3537)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  She even gives head with a lisp.

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  (407): She even gives head with a lisp. http://tfl.nu/76cl
  Replies (17) Good night (2326) Bad night (4650)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.

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  (307): I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American. http://tfl.nu/4si2
  Replies (93) Good night (1565) Bad night (9176)
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  (+86): View more from China

  Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.

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  (+86): Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported. http://tfl.nu/uoj6
  Replies (10) Good night (5688) Bad night (1281)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay

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  (412): You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay http://tfl.nu/y710
  Replies (15) Good night (4078) Bad night (1866)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.

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  (775): No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon. http://tfl.nu/9xyw
  Replies (7) Good night (1588) Bad night (443)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.

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  (719): I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know. http://tfl.nu/zd6h
  Replies (5) Good night (598) Bad night (1171)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.

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  (812): Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords. http://tfl.nu/1djr
  Replies (4) Good night (1852) Bad night (436)
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  (619): View more from California

  Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands

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  (619): Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands http://tfl.nu/hu3j
  Replies (11) Good night (388) Bad night (982)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.

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  (912): I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations. http://tfl.nu/gyzy
  Replies (5) Good night (938) Bad night (276)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.

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  (407): I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect. http://tfl.nu/ydf2
  Replies (0) Good night (505) Bad night (238)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".

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  (508): We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them". http://tfl.nu/eeyg
  Replies (1) Good night (479) Bad night (191)

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