Texts From Last Night

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  (319): View more from Iowa

  umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  put a dollar in it?

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  (319): umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do (1-319): put a dollar in it? http://tfl.nu/6gdy
  Replies (14) Good night (1294) Bad night (4613)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Banned from zoo.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Again?

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  (240): Banned from zoo. (301): Again? http://tfl.nu/bv0w
  Replies (44) Good night (17400) Bad night (1272)
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  (818): View more from California

  I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed

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  (818): I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed http://tfl.nu/k0bk
  Replies (33) Good night (737) Bad night (3602)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.

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  (810): you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch. http://tfl.nu/47sj
  Replies (29) Good night (1244) Bad night (5059)
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  (310): View more from California

  i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son

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  (310): i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son http://tfl.nu/uvhv
  Replies (19) Good night (936) Bad night (4263)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.

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  (541): i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis. http://tfl.nu/2bxd
  Replies (35) Good night (1259) Bad night (8228)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting

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  (716): Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting http://tfl.nu/p9om
  Replies (9) Good night (2852) Bad night (1137)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...

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  (781): I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet... http://tfl.nu/t0x0
  Replies (7) Good night (1175) Bad night (3577)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken

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  (412): when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken http://tfl.nu/q0nt
  Replies (18) Good night (1925) Bad night (4437)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.

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  (304): High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well. http://tfl.nu/jxf6
  Replies (14) Good night (2045) Bad night (649)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing

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  (208): Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing http://tfl.nu/2w9q
  Replies (7) Good night (427) Bad night (859)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."

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  (773): I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye." http://tfl.nu/jcze
  Replies (2) Good night (750) Bad night (618)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely

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  (765): If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely http://tfl.nu/z7eh
  Replies (3) Good night (839) Bad night (174)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.

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  (413): So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible. http://tfl.nu/fq23
  Replies (1) Good night (539) Bad night (370)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman

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  (937): honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman http://tfl.nu/c0vg
  Replies (0) Good night (421) Bad night (228)

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