You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
