Fine. I'll sleep in my office
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I can't put those talents on a resume
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
