I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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