I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm both gender and math confused
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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