Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
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