Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
