i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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