Pappa wants mamma naked
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
