So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
