I just cut my nipple shaving
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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