drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
