That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
