She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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