his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He better not be in your backpack
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Someone signed my nipple.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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