I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
