I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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