I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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