she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
