I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
