Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
