people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
