you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
