What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
