if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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