I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
