im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
