i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
