Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
it's like iHOP with fire
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
