Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
