i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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