I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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