I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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