I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
