Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
