Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
