Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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