he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
