i was born a porn star she said
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
