Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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