3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
