Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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