Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
