the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
