listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
