Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
