6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
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Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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