its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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