i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
