youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
