He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
