I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
