Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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