Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize