definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
