im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
